snow pea crisps are bad for you

first thing's first: i updated the fashion blog ( finally.)


it's ridiculous the amount of advertising i have to do for that thing.. and it doesn't even matter because no one ever reads it anyway. not like anyone ever reads this blog. unless there are lurkers. and if that is the case, then you are creepy. go to my fashion blog please.

i'm drinking bottled green tea from snapple at 2:40 am in the morning and eating snow pea crisps. they put honey in bottled green tea- how nasty is that? why do they do that?
anyway i just read over my posts and i realized that i'm an emo piece of shit. i dont even know where all my sense of humour went to. it kinda all just went down the toilet. it's all gloom and doom from here. God, i wish i hadn't changed so much.

but today i'm not going to write about emo stuff because i feel a little better today. because i took 3 'walks' in the courtyard. that definitely has made me feel better. a whole lot better. which is totally wrong and horrible, but is also the truth. so even though i could complain about a lot of things ( i.e work, weird ass bitches at nyu, lack of funds, endless pile of homework, ok i wont go on) i'm going to focus on the positive side of things.

positive things:

1. going to see crystal castles tomorrow. YES!!!! it's really fujiya and miyagi i want to see, but hey crystal castles aren't bad either. did i say aren't bad? i meant fucking amazing. i cant wait. and since i've proved to be a raving alcoholic, i cant wait for pregaming either. and postgaming. and no, i dont mean playing super-smash before the concert- though as someone pointed out, that would LITERALLY be pregaming! hahahaha.

2. vivian and jason coming to visit on the weekend! after my monstrous american apparel shift on friday ( ending at 11:30 pm), i'll take my beloved vivian home- i mean third north.(shit i'm calling third north home now. this isn't good- i'm forgetting my roots!!!!! ) oh i have missed her a lot. and then i'm going to corrupt her until she becomes a decadent party animal and she will have to rely on crack and random sex all her life.


4.I'm going to be paid.. soon. ok maybe not soon. but at least now I have an income, that is if i dont get fired in the next week because i dont know where the "nylon tricot blend gold spandex tights" are in the a a store and cant find them fast enough for gay hipster male customers.

5. THE DECEMBERISTS in exactly 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. being in New York City. i've always said i love this city in an s&m kind of way. that's a really accurate discription. how do i put this more eloquently? it's raping the shit out of me but it's still giving me a huge ass orgasm.

i spout too much verbal diarrhea.
i think i'll come back soon with more emoness. i'm still bipolar.

and my last post-
oh my god.


i just dont want to get hurt anymore.

what the fuck
what the fuck
and i miss you so much
we were barely together
we werent ever together
you obviously dont care
and i tell myself i dont either
but it's such a fucking lie
and it's not fucking fair
i just wish i wasnt so stupid
i thought we had something
maybe a little bit something
did we
did you ever like me?
even just a little bit
or was that just you being a charmer
being an asshole
like all the other guys
everything you told me
a fucking lie
i hate pretending we're still awesome because we aren't
i hate pretending you havent hurt me because you have
i hate pretending i never liked you because i did
i hate pretending i dont give a shit because i do
i do and you dont
sorry i'm not around anymore
even if i want to be
because i cant reach you
as always
so it makes no fucking difference
we;re not even from the same planet
you're a heartbreaker
i said i love you
and you said me neither
and you still dont care now
because you dont know it's you
you dont know what this is about
because that's how much you dont get it
and it's fucking sad
and i hate myself
and fuck all

but it's ok
it's not your fault for
being not into me.


And sometimes when you’re on
You’re really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you’ll fight and you’ll make it through
You’ll fake it if you have to
And you’ll show up for work with a smile
And you’ll be better
And you’ll be smarter
And more grown up
And a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you’ll be awake
You’ll be alert
You’ll be positive though it hurts
And you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you’ll be a real good listener
You’ll be honest
You’ll be brave
You’ll be handsome and you’ll be beautiful
You’ll be happy