my grandpa is a photo junkie

i was taking some photos with my holga in the backyard of my grandparents' Toronto home today and my grandpa made fun of my camera. i told him so show me what he has and he pulls out an oldschool polaroid system spectra.




the thing looks like a bulky torture device. nevertheless, i had a heart attack when i saw it and my grandpa proceeded to tell me he didn't want it and i could have it. i'm delirious with joy. film for this sucker costs 30 dollars a pack though- that's 10 exposures. my grandpop told me he bought film for 12 bucks back in the day.
what has the world come to?


p.s i'm going to cancun on december 23rd. super excited.

i have a holga, a holga, a holga

i'm so excited about my new holga 120 cfn. it's the CMY special edition too!

actually i still haven't really figured out how to use it yet. but in due time i will.
about my bipolar-ism and depression, i've discovered that my proposed cure- i.e being intoxicated all of the time ( which i have been testing out the past few nights) has kind of sort of failed me, so i'm looking for new outlets. the holga is one of them.

and i actually kind of like work now. you know the reason.
:)

I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE I CAN'T FUCKING STAND IT ANYMORE FUCK MY LIFE

you know when there's something that annoys you and then every day it becomes more and more annoying until it engulfs you and you just want to scream and kill someone and you're probably magnifying it and it's probably your own fault and just you being bipolar but you're still fucking annoyed and depressed as fuck?
yeah. i have that now. fuck this.

Blue

Blue

i've fallen in love with you too many times
the first time you were purple
the second time you were grey
this time you are blue.

you are blue
so beautifully blue
i want to put my arms around your sadness that is blue
i want to heal your pain feel your smile that is blue
i want to touch your words
your syllables your consonants your vowels
they are blue
i want to play those notes
those notes that make up you
the do re mi fa sos in your song- they are blue too

i want to smile with you in your polaroids of blue
i want to accompany you in your seconds your minutes your hours
all your days of blue
i want to dance in the blue drifting out of your cigarettes
that blinding toxic blue
i want to listen to mogwai with you no lyrics we'll be the lyrics
we'll have romance that is blue
i want to drown in your sea of blue
oh soft aquamarine overwhelming blue

you
your beautiful blue
your eyes so full of blue
your smile so full of blue
your touch staining me blue

i want you i want
you you are blue so blue

i don't want the rainbow of the world
i only want blue

i only want you
.

barrack obama is the 44th president of the united states.

:)