this is just to say that i like you. :)

want

i want you

like this

not just

beside me

but in me.

and i am

not allowed

to own

your rippling veins

your brooding

eyelashes,

the sweet

symphony

of your skin.

so what.

i want to

own you

again and

again.

i'll take you

away from her

far away

and drag you

to hell

heaven and earth.

i'll have you

with me

because i know

you want

me--

you sinner

you sinner

you sexy

betrayer

this is

how

i want you.

record year for rainfall

I read in the paper today
It's been a record year for rainfall
And you were leaning against the bathroom wall
In your lonely dress
Was your only dress

Stand accusing across
I've got a temper set for tender
And you were shrugging it off like a feather
Saying, "Oh, would you look at this weather?"

What's the use of all of this?
It's to remember you in the entire
Because I'm watching it slip away
And in the annals of the Empire
Did it look this gray?
Before the fall
Before the fall

So rake your thumbnail across
The stretch of the patina
Revealing a Proserpina
In a low recline
In a steep decline

What's the use of all of this?
It's to remember you in the entire
Because I'm watching it slip away
And in the annals of the Empire
Did it look this gray?
Does it look so gray?
Does it always look so gray?
Before the fall
Before the fall

i hate myself.

i hate myself for being so emotionally unstable.
i hate myself for latching onto something so fast-- definitely because i am on nervous alert 24/7 for no good reason.
i hate myself for being plagued by love. this is horrible. horrible. horrible.
i do love new york and i'm so happy to be back but also scared, sick, tired, anxious.
i don't want to see the future, almost.
i'm a crazy motherfucker. help.