i was a tourist today.

i walked about 80 blocks today. from my dorm to 54th street and 5th avenue, then took a subway to chinatown with lisa :), then from canal street and broadway back to my dorm.
and this is what i was listening to as i walked:

"Let us be lovers we'll marry our fortunes together."
"I've got some real estate here in my bag."
So we bought a pack of cigarettes and Mrs. Wagner pies
And we walked off to look for America

"Kathy," I said as we boarded a Greyhound in Pittsburgh
"Michigan seems like a dream to me now"
It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw
I've gone to look for America

Laughing on the bus
Playing games with the faces
She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy
I said "Be careful his bowtie is really a camera"

"Toss me a cigarette, I think there's one in my raincoat"
"We smoked the last one an hour ago"
So I looked at the scenery, she read her magazine
And the moon rose over an open field

"Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping
I'm empty and aching and I don't know why
Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike
They've all gone to look for America
All gone to look for America
All gone to look for America

Simon and Garfunkel give me shivers down my spine.

i was playing a game at first, wondering how far i could really walk without getting tired, it was such a beautiful day. and then i bumped into the MOMA, which couldn't be more perfect- i've wanted to see the Salvador Dali exhibit for hell knows how long ( ok, ever since i saw a poster advertising the exhibition on a city bus.)
it was absolutely mind-blowing- astronomically good and inspiring. i wrote down a few words, inspired by him; some things i have had on my mind.



WORDS THAT DO NOT TELL A STORY.

here i am, wandering about you.

in my memory, us two windswept figures, lost and lonely
then you stepping into the light, reminiscent of dreams.

mistake.
that sickening tangle of sticky sweet limbs that we were, coalesced again and again,
we shaped ourselves to each other's curves,
but our eyes did not meet when they should.

and with the burning palm of your hand you melted away what we were,
with the tip of your tongue you erased what we could be.
quicksand.
gone.
and now you have me dip dyed in your colours.

but i cant. you are an island, your heart is derelict, in your fortress, in your sand-
i can only reach you sometimes by riding on the sweep of a wave.
but waves come not often enough
and my sea will never immerse you.

i have finally realized, i have been waiting for nothing.

your heart is an empty room

Burn it down
Until the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face, how it ages when you're away
The spring blooms
Then you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Because the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see
Is where else you could be
When you're at home
And out on the street
Are so many possibilities
To not be alone

Flames and smoke
Climbed out of every window
And disappeared
With everything that you held dear
But you shed not a single tear
For the things that you didn't need
Because you knew you were finally free

And all you see
Is where else you could be
When you're at home
And out on the street
Are so many possibilities
To not be alone.


i wish we could all just connect. that's such a lame thing to say on my first blog post in this new blog, but really, being in such a huge city can be ironically so isolating. the lyrics of this song are breathtakingly beautiful- because they hold true. out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone- yet we always move in the cocoon of our surroundings, our own little world. if only we could all bare our hearts. that expression- heart on my sleeve- i wish that was true, i wish people would walk around with their naked hearts on their sleeves, not shamefaced about their passions or their secrets, ready and willing to connect with anyone around them. i think that would be an amazing revolution. life is so short, too short to be spent hiding behind things, worrying about embarrassments and face and appearance, when really there are all these people around us that are so pure and beautiful and so similar to us, if only we could connect with everyone, just really sit down and share our thoughts, bare our souls, and be free to love and to live. i sound like such a prat, i know, but i cant help it. rainy days make me feel this way- i'm overall way too sentimental. but really. my mind wanders. and i wish that life was something different- not talking about the meaning of life or anything abstract like that. i just wonder why we all are how we are. we all seem to be so different on the surface, but we are all so the same in the way that we are so human, we have the same hopes and fears and passions, and if we could all just- connect on that level, that primal level in which we share so many things- then....

i'm saying, if only everyone was willing to bare their hearts. and talk to each other. just fucking connect. then no would ever be alone in this world anymore.